Annoying things non-writers say that they don't realize are annoying

Non-writer: I've always wanted to write a book. I think I will when I have some free time.

Me: Cool. I've always wanted to be a doctor. I think I will when I have some free time.

Non-writer: Have you ever considered self-publishing? I know a guy who did that with his memoir on alcoholism/new diet plan that really works/how-to-book on building homemade bombs. And he sold like, fifty copies.

Me: No, I haven't considered it. Because I don't write memoirs/diet books/how-to-books, and I'd really like to sell more than fifty copies.

Non-writer: Have you ever thought about writing a non-fiction novel?

Me: Of course. I dream about it. Because if I did, I'd be the first person in the history of the world to do so.

Non-writer: You should really talk to my friend X. She also wants to be a writer. She writes for her school paper/has a gossip blog/writes advertising copy. You'd have lots in common.

Me: Thanks. And you should really talk to my friend Z. She, too, has long hair. And a cat. And sometimes wears pink nail polish. You'd have lots in common.

Non-writer: Why do you like thrillers? Do you have fantasies about killing people?

Me: Why did you like Avatar? Do you have fantasies about being blue?

Non-writer: I don't really like books.

Me: I don't really like you.